💣 “They’re Just Direct”: Decoding Corporate Gaslighting Around Bullies

 You’ve probably heard it before.

You raise a concern about a colleague or manager who cuts you off mid-sentence, mocks your ideas, or bulldozes through your boundaries — and HR (or leadership) smiles and says:

“That’s just their personality. They’re very direct.”

Translation? We’re not going to address it. You’re the problem for not adapting.

This is one of the most common forms of corporate gaslighting: repackaging bullying as a “communication style” and making you feel unreasonable for wanting respect.

Why This Phrase Is Dangerous

When HR or leadership excuses toxic behavior as personality, they’re doing three things:

  1. Silencing Feedback – Shutting down your concerns before they’re fully explored.
  2. Protecting the Perpetrator – Signaling that the person’s behavior is acceptable — or untouchable.
  3. Shifting the Blame – Making you feel like you’re overreacting or can’t handle “strong personalities.”

The impact? You start second-guessing yourself, walking on eggshells, and losing trust in leadership’s ability (or willingness) to protect the team.

How SHIELD Warriors™ Respond

When the system is stacked against accountability, you need strategy — not just frustration. Here’s how to handle the “They’re just direct” dodge:

Stay Calm & Composed (S Pillar)

Don’t let their dismissal rattle you into silence. Pause, breathe, and keep your tone professional.
Example:

“I understand they have a direct style. My concern is about the impact on team performance and morale.”

Hold Boundaries Firmly (H Pillar)

Reframe the conversation so it’s about behavior and outcomes, not personality.

“Direct feedback can be productive. Interruptions during presentations, however, prevent full ideas from being heard — and that’s affecting our results.”

Echo & Document (E Pillar)

If they brush you off verbally, put it in writing.

  • Send a follow-up email:

“Thanks for today’s discussion. As shared, I’m concerned about the repeated interruptions in client meetings and the effect on our ability to deliver full solutions.”

  • Keep a private log of dates, times, and witnesses.

Listen Strategically (L Pillar)

Pay attention to what’s not being said. Are they avoiding specifics? Are they using vague terms like “miscommunication” instead of naming the behavior? That’s often a sign they’re protecting someone.

Disengage & Redirect (D Pillar)

If the conversation stalls, shift focus to next steps.

“What’s the plan to ensure all team members can contribute equally in meetings?”

This keeps the accountability ball in their court.

The Mindset Shift

It’s not your job to fix someone else’s bullying, but it is your job to protect your professional reputation, mental health, and credibility.

When you hear “They’re just direct,” treat it like the red flag it is — a signal that leadership might prioritize comfort over culture.

Your truth is valid. Your boundaries are non-negotiable. And your career narrative? That belongs to you, not to the bully or the bystander defending them.

Want help enforcing your boundaries?  Let’s chat: https://calendly.com/theshieldsystem/welcome-call

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