🚩 Red Flag Friday: “That’s Just How They Are” – When Excuses Protect Bullies

 

If you’ve ever raised a concern and been told, “That’s just how they are,” you’ve just been handed a corporate permission slip for toxic behavior. Here’s how to recognize the deflection, push back professionally, and keep the record straight.

Why This Phrase Is So Dangerous

On the surface, “That’s just how they are” might sound like a harmless shrug.
In reality, it’s a shield for bad behavior—one that tells you the company has no plans to address the issue.

When leadership or HR uses it, here’s what they’re really saying:

  • “We’d rather avoid conflict than confront a bully.”
  • “Your discomfort is less important than their behavior.”
  • “We accept this person’s toxicity as the cost of doing business.”

This isn’t a personality quirk—it’s a pattern, and patterns are powerful… especially when they’re documented.

How This Excuse Normalizes Abuse

Once a bully gets the “That’s just how they are” pass, their behavior becomes baked into the culture. It’s no longer questioned—it’s expected.

The fallout?

  • Victims feel silenced or even blamed for “not adapting.”
  • Colleagues start tiptoeing instead of collaborating.
  • Morale erodes as respect takes a backseat to appeasement.

And here’s the real kicker—bullies often escalate when they realize they’re untouchable.

Why Leadership Leans on It

The excuse is convenient. Addressing a bully means:

  • Having uncomfortable conversations.
  • Risking pushback from a high performer or influential personality.
  • Admitting the organization allowed the behavior to go unchecked.

It’s easier to reframe the issue as a “style” problem than admit it’s an ethical and cultural one.

The SHIELD System™ Response

S – Stay Calm
When you hear this phrase, resist the urge to roll your eyes or snap back. Keep your tone measured—bullies and avoidant leaders feed on emotional reactions.

E – Echo & Document
Use their own words to create a record.
Example:

“I understand you’re saying that’s just how they are. For the record, here’s what happened…”

Then detail the incident factually—dates, times, what was said or done, and the impact on work.

How to Push Back Without Escalating

  1. Clarify Expectations

“If this behavior continues, how would you like me to handle it in the moment?”
Forces leadership to give you a concrete answer instead of hiding behind vague generalizations.

  1. Redirect to Outcomes

“Regardless of personality, this impacts productivity and team trust. How do we address that?”
Shifts focus from defending the bully to protecting the work.

  1. Document the Pattern
    Each time you hear this phrase, connect it to a specific incident. Patterns speak louder than single complaints.

Your Professional Power Move

You’re not obligated to accept “That’s just how they are” as the end of the conversation. Treat it as the beginning of your paper trail. The more leadership relies on personality excuses, the easier it becomes to demonstrate willful neglect.

Because here’s the truth:
🚩 If a workplace is willing to excuse bad behavior once, they’re willing to excuse it forever—unless someone makes the cost of ignoring it too high.

Heard this red flag before?  Let’s chat: https://calendly.com/theshieldsystem/welcome-call

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