Evelyn's Insight

Your weekend reminder: their behavior is their problem. Your power is how you respond. If you’ve ever worked with a bully, you know the exhaustion. You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you could’ve said something differently. You strategize ways to “manage” them so they’ll finally treat you with basic respect. You bend, adjust, and overthink — and still, nothing changes. Here’s the truth that will free you: you are not responsible for fixing a bully. Their behavior is a reflection of them, not you. The manipulation, the put-downs, the “jokes” that aren’t funny — those aren’t signals for you to work harder at smoothing things over. They’re proof of a toxic dynamic that only the bully (or leadership) can choose to stop. 🚩 Why You Can’t “Fix” a Bully Bullies bully because it works for them. It gives them power, control, or attention. And as long as the system rewards or ignores it, they’ll keep doing it. That’s not your burden to solve. Trying to fix the...

Some call it “office politics.” But when manipulation, exclusion, and intimidation enter the picture, let’s call it what it is: bullying. Office politics gets sold as a “necessary evil” of workplace life. We’re told to play the game, keep allies close, and smile while maneuvering through hidden agendas. But there’s a point where politics stops being strategy — and starts being bullying. And let’s be honest: you know when you’ve crossed into that territory. The backhanded comments. The “forgotten” meeting invites. The sudden freeze when you speak up. That’s not politics. That’s intimidation dressed in business casual. 🎭 How Politics Becomes Bullying Politics in its healthiest form is just influence — navigating relationships to get work done. But when power is abused, it morphs into something toxic: Manipulation. Colleagues twist facts or spin stories to discredit you. Exclusion. You’re deliberately cut out of decisions or conversations that affect your ...

If you’ve ever been humiliated and then told, “Relax, it’s just a joke,” you weren’t oversensitive — you were bullied. Humor is supposed to lighten the mood, not weaponize it. But in too many workplaces, bullies use “jokes” as cover for cruelty. They’ll target someone with a cutting remark, wait for the sting to land, then retreat into “Can’t you take a joke?” The result? You’re painted as the problem — too thin-skinned, too emotional, too sensitive — while they keep getting laughs (and a free pass). Let’s be clear: humor that humiliates isn’t humor. It’s harassment with a punchline. 🎭 Why “Jokes” Are a Bully’s Power Move Bullies lean on “jokes” because it gives them plausible deniability. If challenged, they can frame themselves as playful, while you’re cast as uptight. It’s a clever trap: They get the laugh. A public jab makes them look confident or witty. They dodge accountability. By calling it humor, they shift blame to you for “misunderstan...

Being talked over, mocked, or belittled in meetings isn’t “banter.” It’s bullying. And let’s be clear: boardrooms and team meetings aren’t high school cafeterias. They’re supposed to be spaces where professionals collaborate, share expertise, and drive strategy forward. Yet too often, the loudest bully in the room hijacks the conversation — silencing voices that deserve to be heard. If you’ve ever had your ideas dismissed with a smirk, been interrupted mid-sentence, or found your contributions ignored until someone else repeated them, you know the drill. The message is loud and clear: your voice doesn’t matter here. But here’s the truth: it does. And you don’t need to shout to prove it. You need strategy. 🎯 Why Bullies Dominate Meetings Bullies thrive in meetings for one reason: visibility. Interrupting, mocking, or undermining others creates a false appearance of power. They don’t need to be right — they just need to be loud. Leaders often let it slide because they...

Nothing stings more than watching a toxic bully get rewarded while you’re sidelined. Here’s the ugly truth: bullies know how to play politics. You’ve seen it. The colleague who cuts people down in meetings, hijacks credit for work, or intimidates quieter voices suddenly shows up with a shiny new title. Meanwhile, you — the one who plays fair, delivers results, and builds others up — get overlooked. It’s maddening. But here’s the hard truth: in toxic environments, competence often takes a back seat to power plays. 🎭 Why Bullies Keep Climbing Bullies don’t get promoted because they’re good at the job. They get promoted because they’re good at the game . Here’s how: They exploit leadership’s blind spots. Many leaders mistake aggression for confidence. A bully who “takes charge” in meetings looks decisive, even if their decisions derail the team. They play the visibility card. Bullies make sure they’re always seen — whether by speaking over ...

Ever notice how bullies in the workplace cloak their attacks as “just being direct” or “helpful criticism”? That’s not feedback — it’s intimidation. We’ve all been there. You leave a meeting replaying the comment someone threw at you — maybe it was sharp, sarcastic, or flat-out condescending — but when you bring it up, they shrug: “Don’t be so sensitive. I was just giving feedback.” Here’s the truth: real feedback builds. Bullying breaks. The Difference Between Feedback and Bullying Feedback is constructive, specific, and focused on the work. It’s meant to help you improve or clarify. It sounds like: “This section of the report is strong; here’s a suggestion to tighten the intro.” “Your presentation flowed well — consider adding more visuals to keep engagement high.” Bullying masquerades as feedback but has a different aim: power and control. It’s personal, vague, and dismissive. It sounds like: “You clearly don’t understand this pr...

  The Truth They Don’t Tell You About Weekend “Check-Ins” If you’ve ever had a boss or coworker drop a “quick” weekend text or send a “just checking in” email, you know it’s rarely quick—and it’s never just checking in. For professionals dealing with a workplace bully, weekend communications are a sneaky tactic to keep you in their grip. They bypass the weekday paper trail, corner you when you’re relaxed, and chip away at your right to disengage. Here’s the good news: you’re not their punching bag—on or off the clock. Step 1: Spot the Weekend Bully Patterns SHIELD Pillar: L – Listen Strategically Emotional Tone: Do they frame the message as urgent, but it’s really a thinly veiled criticism? Timing Clues: Do “emergencies” always seem to arise when you’re off the clock? Consistency: Is this a one-off or part of a pattern of boundary-pushing? Once you see the pattern, you can predict it—and plan for it. Step 2: Hold the Line With...

  If you’ve ever raised a concern and been told, “That’s just how they are,” you’ve just been handed a corporate permission slip for toxic behavior. Here’s how to recognize the deflection, push back professionally, and keep the record straight. Why This Phrase Is So Dangerous On the surface, “That’s just how they are” might sound like a harmless shrug. In reality, it’s a shield for bad behavior—one that tells you the company has no plans to address the issue. When leadership or HR uses it, here’s what they’re really saying: “We’d rather avoid conflict than confront a bully.” “Your discomfort is less important than their behavior.” “We accept this person’s toxicity as the cost of doing business.” This isn’t a personality quirk—it’s a pattern, and patterns are powerful… especially when they’re documented. How This Excuse Normalizes Abuse Once a bully gets the “That’s just how they are” pass, their behavior becomes baked into the cultur...

  When the “just between us” crowd tries to drag you into office gossip, you don’t have to play along—or play the bad guy. These five diplomatic phrases let you exit gossip traps without losing credibility or connections. Why Gossip Is More Dangerous in a Bullying Culture In healthy workplaces, gossip is already risky—it can tarnish reputations, fuel misunderstandings, and waste time. But in a bullying environment, gossip isn’t just idle chatter. It’s ammunition. Bullies love gossip because: It gives them leverage over others. It distracts leadership from their own bad behavior. It creates alliances based on fear, not trust. The more you engage, even passively, the more you risk being painted as “one of them” or worse—the next target. The SHIELD System™ Approach This is where the H (Hold Boundaries) and D (Disengage & Redirect) pillars come into play. Your goal isn’t to shame people for talking—it’s to remove yourself from the lin...

  When casual jabs are the bully’s weapon, subtle doesn’t mean harmless. For Renee , the comments always came with a smile: “Wow, you’re surprisingly organized for someone so busy.” “That’s ambitious—are you sure you can handle it?” They were framed as jokes or “just being honest,” but over time, these microaggressions chipped away at her confidence and credibility. Recognizing Microaggressions for What They Are Microaggressions thrive in ambiguity. The delivery is light, but the impact is heavy. They can: Undermine your expertise Diminish your contributions Signal to others that it’s open season on you Renee’s first win was naming the behavior for what it was—subtle bullying. Once she labeled it, she could start to strategize. Staying Calm = No Ammo Microaggressors often fish for a reaction so they can paint you as “too sensitive.” Renee decided she wouldn’t give them the soundbite they wanted. Instead of snapping back, she he...

  The minute HR or a manager calls a bully “direct” or “passionate,” you’ve just met the office’s most protected problem. It’s a subtle sleight of hand. You bring forward an example of blatant disrespect or undermining behavior, and instead of addressing the harm, leadership reframes it as a “style” issue. “That’s just how they are.” “They’re really passionate about their work.” “You have to understand—they’re under a lot of pressure.” This is the personality shield—a corporate tactic that gives bullies a free pass while making you look like the one who needs to adjust. Decoding the Personality Shield When someone’s bad behavior gets repackaged as a quirky personality trait, it’s not just spin—it’s protection. Common shield phrases: “They don’t mean anything by it.” “They’re just a straight shooter.” “They have a big personality.” Translation: They’re valuable enough (or connected enough) to excuse behavior others would be disciplined fo...

When the boss won’t protect the team, your mission is clear: protect yourself, your work, and your peace. It’s a sobering reality: some leaders would rather avoid confrontation than confront a workplace bully. They’ll promise to “look into it,” but weeks pass, the behavior continues, and you’re left wondering—was that conversation just lip service? Here’s the truth: leadership inaction isn’t always about a lack of awareness. Sometimes, it’s a choice. And when that choice leaves you exposed, you need to shift from waiting for rescue to leading yourself through the storm. Recognize Leadership Inaction as a Pattern—Not a “One-Off” One missed opportunity to intervene could be an oversight. Two is a warning. Three? That’s a pattern. The sooner you spot that leadership’s default response is avoidance, the faster you can stop expecting them to protect you—and start protecting yourself. SHIELD Strategy: Treat their inaction as part of the landscape. You wouldn’t expect an u...

Some wounds don’t close while you’re still standing in the place that cut you. That’s not weakness—it’s wisdom. Too many professionals try to “work through” toxic workplace trauma while they’re still clocking in for the same bully, reporting to the same gaslighter, or sitting in the same meeting where they were undermined. It’s like trying to heal a broken bone while still running marathons—you’re just deepening the injury. This weekend, I want you to hear this clearly: You don’t have to heal where you were harmed. 🛡️ Step 1: Create Emotional Distance Before Physical Distance Sometimes you can’t leave a toxic workplace immediately. Bills, benefits, and life commitments are real. But you can start building an emotional buffer between yourself and the dysfunction. SHIELD Strategy: Stay Calm and Composed (S): No matter how tempting it is to react to every dig, delay, or drama—choose silence over spirals. Hold Boundaries Firmly (H): That means no ...